To those of you who follow this blog regularly, it’s no surprise that we’re expecting our first child. (If you didn’t know, well now you do :)!)
I mentioned it briefly before, but never made a fancy announcement post for it because I’m not into that. Once our baby’s born, I doubt there’ll be one such fancy announcement here because I care more for our family’s privacy, but I may still share something for kicks and giggles.
Anyways, a global pandemic sure is a curious time to be pregnant, and I don’t mean that lightly.
Over the past several weeks, I’ve come across SO many posts shared by pregnant women where they talk about their stresses, their wishes, the things that they missed out on, etc. all due to this Coronavirus.
On a later post I’ll go over my own experience, but for now I’d like to delve into some of these takes.
I think the main thing I’m struggling with is how self-centered these reactions can be.
I mean, I get it somewhat: Us pregnant women are sure missing out on some things thanks to the pandemic (and I’ll go over what I’m genuinely OK to be foregoing in my next post), but some are just SO depressingly “Woe is meeee!!!” that I find their comments unbearable, like it’s the Suffering Olympics and they’re all vying for the Gold.
It’s as though they forgot not only that they were given the privilege of growing a tiny human, but also that they don’t have the luxury of letting any stresses get to them and their baby, and they instead CHOOSE to remain self-absorbed in their “misery” instead of acknowledging that things could be so much worse–but thankfully aren’t.
(I can say this because I went through immeasurable pain and physical issues in late 2018-early 2019 but I nevertheless had an attitude of “It could be worse so don’t suffer now!” And you know what? It did get worse… [and I did suffer a bit, not going to lie] before it got better.)
When (bad) things happen that are outside of our control, we really have no choice but to power through to the best of our abilities, because what’s the point of letting it get to us and letting it impair us? Are those circumstances really more powerful than us? Think about that for a bit.
But for now, I’d like to move on to some of these comments so that you see what I mean. Call me heartless, but I really don’t get the point of complaining about things that not only already happen or are uncontrollable, but also that you can’t do much about.
In case you’d like to follow along, this is the thread that these posts come from.
For starters, this is the first line from the person who started the thread:
I’m sure that many of us are grieving the pregnancy we thought we’d enjoy.
That woman goes on to comment about the things that she can’t do anymore, but those are all external factors. She may not be able to have her sacred baby shower or babymoon, but she gets to spend more time with her husband and nesting at home. It ISN’T about us, moms.
This is my first baby and I feel robbed of the experience…
Nobody stole anything from you. Life happens. And for that matter: Sh!t happens. Stop letting it get to you. You don’t have the luxury to “cry all the time” and cause your baby undue stress.
Right now we are focusing on the essentials we need to purchase for our baby, letting go of the baby shower registry stuff, and trying to stay calm. It’s a delicate balance bc I want to be positive that maybe by some miracle things will be different end of June, but I’m also a realist and know that’s unlikely.
This mom kind of gets it. She and her husband are doing their best with the cards “they were dealt” while trying to stay positive and hopeful. I, too, hope things improve by the early parts of Summer, but refuse to believe anything is unlikely at this point.
…. Me and my fiancé are stuck in the house. I enjoy his company, but we’re running out of things to do. All we can do is play the PS4, watch Netflix, make food, clean, and play with our dogs. We’re not allowed to go to birth classes and he’s not allowed to come to the scan. … I miss my mum so so so much. She came to our driveway and we stood and cried. I’ve been completely down especially the last 3 days. …
Thank God my husband’s employer has PLENTY of work for everyone to do from home. All of his coworkers and fellow employees have been away from the office for about a month, and our pup and I love having him around, but he’s certainly very glad to be so busy with work. After his workday is done, my dad comes over and together they work on the basement, as they have been diligently for the past couple of months. In other words, we’re happy we have things to do!
They canceled birth classes in our area for the time being (thank God for YouTube’s alternatives to face-to-face classes!), but I’m fortunate in that they let my husband join me for appointments and he’ll be allowed in the delivery. (Believe it or not, for a brief moment some hospitals in NYC weren’t allowing birth partners to be present during the delivery, which is completely asinine. Utah is better than that.)
I can also sort of identify with her point about her mom, because I haven’t seen mine in about a month, whereas we’d normally see each other every week. You see, she meets with customers at her business (while following her own strict guidelines), so she doesn’t feel great coming to see me, just in case. I know that this, too, shall pass.
FTM and honestly not handling everything very well. I know part of it is the isolation and being in the house, I love doing things outside of the home with the people I love, so that’s been hard.
… But also it feels like I can’t celebrate this baby. No baby moon, no showers, husband can’t accompany me to my appointments, and I can’t even celebrate with people during the small daily things. It’s been hard, I know this isn’t the worst thing in the world because he is healthy, but I’m really sad.
As if we needed trips and parties to celebrate a baby? It’s a BABY! Being pregnant with a healthy baby should already be enough of a celebration.
… I haven’t been able to be excited for my baby or really think about anything beyond the next few months…
I’ve heard of prepartum depression. Not being able to be excited for the baby you’re expecting and that’s moving so happily and healthily in your womb HAS to suck. If this is what that mom is going through, I hope she recovers soon, for her sake, her baby’s and that of those around her.
Let’s put all that gloom aside and switch to the women who provided solutions and hope. There should be more women like these moms:
(I’m not putting their entire comments below because they can be really long
This mom says that instead of dwelling on the bad things, she’s crocheting, journaling about what’s going on “for baby’s amusement” later on [I admit I’ve been doing some of that, too, haha!], cooking new things, and prepping what’s most important for the baby. She realizes that it’s OK to cry or feel bad at times, but I loved her overall outlook on the situation. Yes, it sucks, but you have to distract yourself and focus on what matters.
This other mom is happy her plans got canceled because not only won’t she have to deal with questions from nosy people about them anymore, but she’ll also have more time to snuggle with her partner. That’s a sweet way of looking at it as well.
This mom kindly shares suggestions for what to do to take care of one’s body, mind, emotions, and spirituality during this time, in addition to alternatives for the other things pregnant moms are missing out on. (E.g., checking out a class on YouTube instead of relying on face-to-face versions, and so on.) I wish more moms saw this post.
This one focuses on what she’s GAINED during the pandemic:
I focus on what I’ve gained. I’m a teacher and would come home absolutely exhausted from work every day. I wouldn’t even have the energy to make myself a good dinner or even spend time with my husband. Now I sleep when I need to, eat (and eat healthily) whenever the urge strikes me, and take hot showers when my back is in pain. Make no mistake, being pregnant right now has come with so many painful losses. But focusing on these positives have really REALLY helped.
In light of these last responses, I’m glad to see that common sense prevails in these crazy times. I’m also fortunate in that I’ve been receiving excellent care from everyone from my medical team to my family. Lastly, I’m blessed in that I’m able to not wallow in what’s “lost” and can instead choose to concentrate on THE most important thing–our baby.
If you are or were pregnant during this pandemic, how did you deal with it or have you been dealing with it?